I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
