did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
