Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
