I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
