i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
