theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
