ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
