I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
