I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
