we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
