just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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