Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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