I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
