Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
