Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
