it hurts more in the daytime
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
