i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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