i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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