he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
