the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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