he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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