covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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