Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
