he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
