in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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