I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
