She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
