Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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