when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
