He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
