seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
