How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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