he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
