Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
