Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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