My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
