Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
