What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
