we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
