i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
