i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
