Where did you get a picture of my penis
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
