John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
