I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Are we still banned from the library?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
