I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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