I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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