In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So much rum. So many feels.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
