Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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