we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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