Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
