i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
