dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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